Cat Humor
A dog thinks:

Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet
me, and take good care of me… They must be Gods.  

A cat thinks:  

Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet
me, and take good care of me… I must be a God!
How to tell when your cat is too fat:

  • Confused guests constantly mistaking her for beanbag chair

  • Always lands on her spleen

  • Fewer calls to the fire department, but a sudden upsurge in broken branches

  • Fifteen month gestation period, and still no kittens

  • No longer cleans itself unless coated in Cheese Whiz

  • Cat food dish replaced with Rush Limbaugh trough

  • Luxurious, shiny black fur replaced with mint green polyester pants suit

  • It’s no longer safe to lift him without a spotter

  • “Steals breath” from all five quintuplets, simultaneously

  • Waits for the third bowl of food to get finicky

  • He only catches mice that get trapped in his gravitational pull

  • Enormous gut keeps your hardwood floors freshly buffed

  • Has more chins than lives

This particular story just made me laugh. Every time I think about it, the vision of that poor cat just
amuses me no end. Hope the story leaves a bright spot in your day. Whoever said the Creator
doesn't have a sense of humor?

A man recently told a true story about the Pastor of his church. He had a kitten that climbed up a tree
in his backyard and then was afraid to come down. The Pastor coaxed, offered warm milk, etc.

The kitty would not come down. The tree was not sturdy enough to climb, so the Pastor decided that
if he tied a rope to his car and pulled it until the tree bent down, he could then reach up and get the

That's what he did, all the while checking his progress in the car.

He then figured if he went just a little bit further, the tree would be bent sufficiently for him to reach the
kitten. But as he moved the car a little further forward, the rope broke.

The tree went "boing!" and the kitten instantly sailed through the air - out of sight.

The Pastor felt terrible. He walked all over the neighborhood asking people if they'd seen a little

No. Nobody had seen a stray kitten. So he prayed, "Lord, I just commit this kitten to your keeping,"
and went on about his business.

A few days later he was at the grocery store, and met one of his church members. He happened to
look into her shopping cart and was amazed to see cat food. This woman was a cat hater and
everyone knew it, so he asked her, "Why are you buying cat food when you hate cats so much?"

She replied, "You won't believe this," and then told him how her little girl had been begging her for a
cat, but she kept refusing. Then a few days before, the child had begged again, so the Mom finally
told her little girl, "Well, if God gives you a cat, I'll let you keep it."

She told the Pastor, "I watched my child go out in the yard, get on her knees, and ask God for a cat.
And really, Pastor, you won't believe this, but I saw it with my own eyes. A kitten suddenly came
flying out of the blue sky, with its paws outspread, and landed right in front of her."
Cambridge VetCare
Animal Clinic, PA
Cambridge, MN